Hi , so here's my story ... I had a bad trip
it was off a street drug called Molly I was also drinking and smoking lightly ... I don't know if it's because I would abuse my prescription drugs this happened to me but it was the scariest thing ever and worst night of my life , I remember I took a pill then took some of the pill broken up into a monster energy drink then moments later ... I sense of fear like BIG fear came over me and I told everybody in the room " something isn't right " then my eyes started going back and fourth really fast from side to side about like 2 times I think ... Then I had to get out of the room I started walking outside I was freezing my heart was pounding and I was shaking because I was so cold ... I was totally not there I could feel people talking but I wasn't completely there then everything got worse I got very sweaty and hot and HORNY I was saying crazy $#%^ like the devil was in me . I kept saying " I'm going to hell " " God is real God is real " it felt like all my worst fears are happening i was saying crazy $#%^ I felt embarrassed then I would apologize and say " you guys are never gonna hang out with me again " it felt like I was possessed i wAs doing and saying the craziest $#%^ my moods would go from " ###$ you " to " I'm so sorry idk why I said that " things were moving so fast to like my trip everything was in fast motion , I got angry ... I had to run around I streaked jumped on cars . It was just very scary and crazy like I've never experienced that before I don't know what happened but it changed my life forever .... I was only 16 at the time , idk why it happened but I know I was overdosing as well but never called 911 ... I also had a fear that I was dieing I kept telling everyone " I'm dieing I'm going to hell " I kept saying crazy $#%^ . Eventually it worn off I stopped trippin I was in shock as to what happened I think I blacked out durning some of the trip as well . So after I couple days I couldn't sleep alone I slept with my mom everything was so different , I was so scared I thought that like the devil was after me I thought I wa shearing voices at one point. Every time I would close my eyes in the dark I would make out scary images . Then eventually I developed a anexity disorder and panic disorder and I'm convinced I have PTSD . My panic attacks are about that I died that night and I am in hell and I'm going to keep going through what I went through that night because that is my hell . Like I said before I blacked out so it convinces me that I might have died . Plus everything seemed so dream like to me felt like I was in a dream everything looked unreal .

So eventually I got over the hearing the voices and not being able to sleep alone or sleep in the dark .
Where I'm at is with my panic attacks and anexity I can't even get in a car or anything I pretty much just stay home I can't live my life I live in fear. I have heart palpitations from all this and a high heart rate . I won't take any other medication because I'm traumatized that I will have a bad trip . I will physc myself out into having a panic attack on the medication . I don't have any fiends because all the people I used to hangout with were the people I did all the bad stuff with and partied with . I completely changed I don't drink I don't smoke or anything anymore I just sit in my house all the damn time . I feel like I need help I have bad depression from all this because I don't wanna live like this it's sad and scary I wouldn't wish this upon anybody . I also have some hate for myself because I did this to myself . I just don't know what to do I can't live myself and there's so many things I want to do in life ... Nobody understands my mom things I just over react she gets mad that I miss my dentist appointments and extc all because of my anexity I'm scared to have an anexity attack or panic attack while I'm out. I just have so many problems now I don't know what to do

I want friends that know what I go through or go through similar things as me so we can get through it together.. Be there for each other and extc I don't wanna feel so alone. Certain things freak me out to like loud noises or if I hear a noise and can't figure out what it is I HAVE to find out or I'll freak out. Fast forwarding stuff freaks me out the ceilings fans that move fast freak me out , seeing people in fear or freak out makes me freak out. I have all these new problems that I never had before .. I have a little bit of OCD, i get panicky when my mom doesn't answer her phone and I don't know where she's at I'll freak myself and think the worst . I over think EVERYTHING and always end up freaking myself out which leads me to a panic attack . $#%^ is just crazy now I can't live like this I don't know what to do I need friends I need someone there for me who knows ... Idk what to do ....

I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to say, " hang in there". I know you are afraid, and very uncertain. I also used to suffer from panic attacks. They are so scary! And the sad thing is, it causes panic when you worry about having a panic attack. I honestly would reach out for help. You don't have to suffer alone. There is help out there. It almost sounds like what my brother went through. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He is on medication, and receives therapy, so he is doing very well these days. Good luck...please get professional help.

How is your terror going?
If you're still on here, email me at *mod edit*
I can completely relate to all of your horrifying experiences. I am still deeply going through these issues but I eventually found the healing processes and tools that are the only things so far that have successfully helped me at least take enough of the edge off the terror so that I'm able to continue my healing journey and live life to some degree, even if that just means being able to go to sleep without having a panic attack.

With empathy and love,
Gabby.